Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
