it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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