You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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