woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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