i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
