We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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