I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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