You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
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Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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