Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
