I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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