Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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