the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
