Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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