He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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