I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
