well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
What drink are we having for lunch?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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