And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
