textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.