Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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