The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube