ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
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First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
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Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear