Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I supernannyed him into submission
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?