my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
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she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
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nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.