I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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