Need sex. Gaining weight.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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