i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
