i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
