I'm going to jail i love you
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
