Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
