it's like iHOP with fire
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
