im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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