I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
