why didn't you poke me back
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
