wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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