don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
