who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
