WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
