bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
