Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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