so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
