and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
