69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
