Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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