all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My feet surprised me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
