Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
