My first STD was from a foam party
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
