i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
