he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
