And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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