I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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