Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
