yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
