I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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