Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
