Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
