There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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