Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
