Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
