I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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