I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
