I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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