just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
