girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I forget how to act sober
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
