i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
