i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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