Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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