The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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