U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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