3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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