But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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