I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
