I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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