Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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