the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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