Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
